I woke up in a boat house down by the docks this morning. It would seem that I always end up here when I’m on the lam.
I’m innocent of course. I just have to prove that to the rest of the world. It started when I took this undercover case down at the art museum.
They called me in to smoke out a thief in their ranks. I disguised myself as a docent, a volunteer who talks to patrons about the exhibit, so I could move about the gallery freely and relatively unnoticed.
It was a sculpture exhibit. Pretty weird stuff but very valuable I was told.
My second night on the case a sculpture gets ripped off and guess who gets framed for it? Yours truly!
That morning the little squirrelly guy who hired me for the job calls me and tells me the cops are on their way. I smelled a rat.
This guy just wanted to watch me squirm. I had to find some proof fast. I wasn’t going to find any here in this dank old boat house.
I had to get into my office somehow. I knew they’d be looking for me there but it was a risk I had to take.
I snuck in through the fire escape and started rifling through some old records and contacts. This guy was dirty. He had a lot of very influential connections.
One was a rich old guy who was known for his exotic taste in art. He was reclusive, lived in [a] huge mansion up in the hills.
The next thing I knew I heard cops coming down the hall. They kicked in my door and shined their flashlights all around.
I made it outta there in the nick of time and made my way up into the hills. I found the place but I still had to find a way into the mansion without setting off any alarms.
I saw a maid coming out of a back door to their quarters. I flashed my badge and told her I was with the security company. “I just need to make sure this area is secure miss.” She didn’t seem to care.
There was surveillance all over the place. I had to disguise myself. Finally, I found some butler’s clothes and changed into them.
I snooped around and found all kinds of crazy art, if you could call [it] art. Low and behold there was my missing sculpture from the museum. I knew what I had to do. I had to frame them right back.
I found old guy’s office and picked the lock on his desk. The rat from the museum was at the top of his calendar. They were going to meet here at the mansion today.
I’m good at impressions and impersonations. A little hidden talent that I don’t generally tell people about.
So I called the rat and pretend[ed] to be the old guy’s new personal secretary. I told him that he won’t be able to make the meeting.
“What about my money!” he said. That’s all I needed to hear. He said he’d be there in an hour. I didn’t have much time.
I went to the surveillance room and set up a nice shot on the sculpture room. Then I called the old guy and did my best impersonation of the rat’s voice.
I told him that the cops were on to them and that he was on his way to the mansion.
Then I placed an anonymous tip to the cops. When the rat arrived the old guy was waiting for him with gun in hand.
“What’s with the piece?” he said the ratting putting his hands in the air.
“You’re trying to frame me just like you framed that stupid P.I.” the old guy said raising his gun.
“You’re the one trying to cancel this meeting. Where’s my money!” The rat lunged at the old guy grabbing for the gun.
He squeezed off a shot and almost hit their precious sculpture. When they fell over the couch I swore I heard the gold guy’s hip snap in two.
Just then the cops came busting in with their guns drawn. I was enjoying every second of this.
The rat was crying when they slapped the cuffs on him. That’s the part of the surveillance tape I’ll watch over and over.